


Forgiveness has to be earned

by PenelopeR



Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anger, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenelopeR/pseuds/PenelopeR
Summary: Ross feels guilt for the way he has treated Demelza over the years.
Relationships: Andrew Blamey/Verity Poldark, Demelza Carne/Ross Poldark, Drake Carne/Morwenna Chynoweth, Dwight Enys/Caroline Penvenen, Sam Carne/Rosina Hoblyn
Comments: 41
Kudos: 100





	1. Oh God please forgive me

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this idea in my head for a long time... Ever since watching the final episode. Don't worry there will be a flashback to how it happens.

Oh! What a fool I've been, Ross thought as he stood in the parlour at Nampara. I was meant to be protecting her, that's why I did what I did, and now she's upstairs with Dwight after being shot. I turn and I go to pace again when I see Caroline's eyes on me looking at me with such fury. I go over to the side and pour a glass of port out. I hold out a glass to her, and she shakes her head.

I knock back my port and look towards the stairs for any sign of noises but I hear nothing. "She will be okay," Caroline says slowly as she looks at me again. "No thanks to me," Ross said bitterly, "you must know I did this to protect her..." Caroline scoffed at him. "Where's Clowance and Jeremy?" Ross asked her suddenly. "At the beach with Prudie taking Garrick and Horrace for a walk," Caroline said coldly. "Just say it Caroline," Ross said seriously.

"What were you thinking Ross?" Caroline asked him. "I wasn't thinking," Ross said honestly, "I mean I was, I thought I was protecting her and the children, I was going to explain to her after it was over..." Caroline looked at him scoffed. "She was going Ross, leaving, she was going to take Jeremy and Clowance to Jamaica..." Ross stared at her. "You broke her heart," Caroline said honestly, "she wasn't going to stay and be made a fool of again, you told her you didn't love her..." Ross turned away in anger.

"I had no choice," Ross whispered. "You had a choice," Caroline said bitterly, "you could trust your wife a bit more, she's always right, you know that, I know that... and now..." Caroline looked away as she felt a tear forming in her eye. Ross closed his eyes in pain and in anguish. "I wish it was me," Ross muttered, "it should be me up there in that bed..."

"That would hurt her even more," Caroline said honestly, "why didn't you even tell me and Dwight, we could have helped, we could have tried and eased her pain, but you pushed us away too..." Ross looked at her and sighed. "I know," he whispered. "She confided in me," Caroline said as she stood up and walked to the window, "she confided in me about Elizabeth..." Ross looked at her. "She said how this was much worse," Caroline says, "Because if Francis and Elizabeth hadn't of got married, you would have been with her, she somewhat understood, no matter how much it hurt, she knew deep down she was always second..." Ross put his hand up. "She's never been second best," Ross said honestly, "I am not proud of that... night..." Caroline turned and looked at him. "But Tess, really, that was too much for her, it was her thinking you were...." Caroline stopped and sighed. "Nothing happened between Tess and I..." Ross said seriously, "I hated every moment..."

"She heard you," Caroline said as she looked at him, "in the tunnels... kissing her..." Ross sat down weakly. "I had too," Ross whispered, "to keep the pretence, oh God I've really messed up..." Caroline looked at him and then turned back towards the window. "You won't hear complaints from me," Caroline said, "but she still loves you, she always has..." Ross looked at her. "Even when she was with Hugh," he said bitterly. "I don't think you should take the high ground," Caroline said to him angrily, "that was completely different, again caused by you and your non communication difficulty you have..."

"No," Caroline continued, "with the children, she spoke with so much fondness and love about you..." Ross looked at her confused. "Clowance began having night terrors," Caroline explained, "she wanted her papa..." Ross looked down guiltily. "Why?" Ross asked worriedly. "Do you actually care?" Caroline asked him, "because if you did, you wouldn't of done this..." Ross looked at her. "I did this for them," Ross exclaimed, "I just went about it the wrong way..." Caroline looked at him. "Anyway she told her, that her papa would fight away the terrors in her sleep because the love he had for them was so strong, he would know she needed them..." Ross looked at her tears in her eyes.

"And now," Caroline said and then stopped as she wiped her cheek, "and now you have to be a papa to them... and a mama..." Ross looked at her. "I will help," Caroline said as she walked towards the door, "I've sent for my things, I'm doing this for Demelza, not for you..." Ross looked at her. "I'll never forgive myself," Ross whispered. Caroline didn't say anything as she walked towards the door. "I will go and fetch her brothers and my maids are coming to help with the house, as I said it's for Demelza not you..." She was silent as she heard footsteps coming down the stairs and Dwight came to the door and looked at Ross.

Ross stood up and held on to the back of the chair and looked at him. "Oh God," Ross whispered, "its bad news isn't it..." Dwight looked at him coldly and then shook his head and sighed. "I managed to remove the bullet," he said, "she's very weak, and she's sleeping like when she had the putrid throat..." Oh good God, Ross thought. "Will she survive this," Ross asked him. "I think so, the bullet hit her in the shoulder, it's the blood loss that has caused her to be so weak right now..." Ross looked at him. "Can I see her?" Ross asked him. Dwight nodded at him.

"Dwight, for what its worth I am sorry," Ross whispered as he walked past him. "As am I dear friend," Dwight said, "sorry that you couldn't confide in me... I would have helped, so would have Caroline, in time this anger will go I am sure..." Ross nodded as he walked slowly and timidly up the stairs scared of what he would find.


	2. Ross's grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross see's Demelza for the first time since the shooting. He struggles to deal with his grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again completely from my own mind.

Ross stood at the door of his bedroom. The bedroom that held so much meaning in this house. So much meaning for the couples. This was the room his father had loved his mother in. The room where he was probably made and his brother Claude. This was the room he had first taken Demelza. The room all his children were made in love. This was the room where his love of his life laid after being shot. 

Shot because of him. Because he deceived her again. He had hurt her, he had not trusted her. He opened the door and he saw her. Pale. Deathly pale. Worse than when she had Jeremy, he nearly lost her then. He went over to the bed and kissed her gently. "Oh my love," he said sobbing.

Ross sat on the chair by the bed. He closed his eyes for a moment. "My love," he whispered, "I am so sorry I didn't tell you, you must know my love, nothing happened with Tess, nothing, we did not have any relations, I didn't give her my body..." 

"I know that doesn't make it right," Ross whispered, "it was just a kiss, and I hated it... oh Demelza, I hated it..." He kissed her hand and noticed it was cold. He went over to the fireplace and put in the wood and started to poke it to get it going again. He closed his eyes and quickly opened them again. He saw her tumble to the ground as the bullet hit her. He heard the scream. 

He went back over to the bed and held her hand and kissed it gently. "You have to come back to me my darling," he whispered, "you just have too, and I will show you how much you mean to me, I promise you..." 

She looked as pale as when he first met her. "Don't child me..." he could hear her say. He smiled at the memory. "I would never child you," he whispered, "from the moment I rescued you from the dog fight, I saw you as one of the strongest people I know..." Ross wiped his eyes and sighed. "And you grew into my life and into my heart from that moment on, you were and are my saving grace." 

"You always know what I need, what I want," he whispers, "you put up with my moods, with my funny ways of doing things." Ross kissed her hand again. "I should have trusted you," Ross whispered, "I should have told you, my love, Tess... Elizabeth... you've always been right... always... and I am pigheaded, I just don't see it..." 

"I never see what's right in front of me," Ross continued, "you were always there, I was just too blind to see it, I first noticed you at Jim and Jinny's wedding... do you remember my love, you were dancing in your work clothes and you smiled at me, and we danced together..." 

"And you danced down the hills as I rode on Darkie and you sang, for the first time since I came back from the war I was happy my darling Demelza, even then you held my heart, I would have hurt anyone who hurt you, but it's been me that's hurt you..."

"Then the blue dress, my word Demelza, my love, you looked utterly gorgeous, I was hard when I saw you, and the kiss, it was like no other kiss, I pushed you away to protect you, but you came back, again you knew what I needed, and that was you, my God, my body responded to you, I can't put it into words, but my God Demelza... that night... I was breathless... I couldn't get enough of you..."

Ross sighed as he looked at her. "I knew I was going to marry you when you walked in carrying those cornflowers, I know you ran away because of Elizabeth sitting there, but you needn't have, Demelza, I know I should have defended you when Elizabeth was less than complimentary about you, but I was always a rather stupid man when it came to the matters of the heart..." 

"Marrying you was the best day of my life," Ross whispered, "and I am so sorry it was so small, not the wedding you deserved, if you wish we can marry again, with everyone there, so I can show the whole of Cornwall who I love..." Ross sighed. 

"And each time you were with child, you glowed and my God did I want you so much, and even after how I treated you while you were pregnant with Jeremy, my God you were right again, now could I say I didn't want children again, imagine a life without Clowance and Jeremy, what was I thinking... and if you had gone to Jamaica..." Ross's voice broke. 

"I would only have had myself to blame," Ross whispered as his voice broke, and he put his head down on her arm, "when I told you I didn't love you, Demelza it broke my heart, of course I love you, I've loved for the longest time..." Ross put his head down sleepily and shut his eyes. 

"Love him," Demelza said, "I despise him, he breaks my heart, he hurts me, no sir I do not love him..." Suddenly a gun went off and Demelza went back and Ross saw the blood on her green riding coat. "DEMELZA!" Ross screamed. He heard another bullet and saw both of his assilents fall to the ground as George stood there with a gun. 

"Demelza," Ross woke up gasping for air, "Demelza..." He saw her still sleeping but felt a tiny hand in his. "Papa," Jeremy whispered. "Oh boy," Ross whispered as he held him as he sobbed quietly holding their son as Morwenna stood in the corner watching.


	3. Jeremy Poldark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy tries to comfort his Papa

Jeremy looked at him worriedly. "Is she dead papa?" Jeremy asked him. Morwenna gasped as she heard that question. "Could you leave us for a moment?" Ross asked her, "I just need a moment with my son..." Morwenna nodded. "Do you want Clowance?" Morwenna asked. "Not yet," Ross whispered, "not yet..." 

Ross looked at Jeremy and hugged him tightly. "No, she isn't dead," Ross whispered, "your mama is just sleeping..." Jeremy looked at him. "What happened Papa? Why did we have to live with Auntie Caroline and Uncle Dwight?" Jeremy asked, "don't you love us any more?" Ross's heart broke and he held him tightly. "Oh my boy," Ross whispered. "I love you all so much, I was silly and thought I could do something on my own, but I couldn't, all I needed was mama..."

"Are we coming home now?" Jeremy asked him. "Oh my boy," Ross whispered, "of course you are, you, Clowance and Mama are never leaving again." Jeremy nodded at him slowly. "Why is she sleeping?" Jeremy asked her, "did someone hurt her?" Ross looked at him and sighed. "Someone hurt her," Ross whispered. "Was it you Papa?" Jeremy asked innocently. "No my son," Ross whispered, "not me... someone who wanted to hurt me..." 

"Mama saved your life," Jeremy said looking at her. "Like always," Ross whispered. "Has mama always saved your life?" Jeremy asked. "Oh yes," Ross whispered, "shall I tell you and Mama a bedtime story?" Ross whispered as he put Jeremy on his lap as they both lay beside Demelza. "Oh yes Papa," Jeremy whispered, "Mama loves stories..." Ross kissed his son's head followed by his love's head.

"One day a handsome soldier came home from the war," Ross whispered, "because his Papa had sadly died..." Jeremy thought for a moment. "It's you, Papa!" Jeremy exclaimed, "are you the handsome soldier!" Ross looked at him and nodded. "I'm sorry about your Papa," Jeremy whispered sadly. "It's okay," Ross whispered his heart constricting with love, his son was so like Demelza, so full of compassion and love. 

"I decided to go and see my uncle Charles and Cousin Verity," Ross whispered slowly, "and they were happy to see me, you see they thought I had died, I had a bad injury, I was hurt badly..." Jeremy stroked his scar gently. "This from war Papa?" he asked him. "Yes son," Ross whispered. Jeremy kissed the scar gently. "I then saw her," Ross said, "and I was happy..." Jeremy looked at him. "Was it mama?" Jeremy asked. "Sadly no," Ross whispered, "you see when I went away I thought I was in love with another lady..." Jeremy looked up at him confused. 

"Why?" Jeremy asked confused. "Because I hadn't met Mama yet," Ross said honestly. "What was this new lady name?" Jeremy asked. "Elizabeth," Ross whispered. "Oh," Jeremy said looking down. "But I got hurt that night," Ross continued, "not physically, not like Mama right now, but my heart was broken..." Jeremy looked at him. "Elizabeth?" Jeremy asked. Ross nodded. "She was going to be married to my cousin Francis..." Jeremy looked at him. "Were you really sad?" Jeremy asked. "I was," Ross whispered, "I was also angry..." Jeremy looked at him. "Like when Garrick drops you dead rabbits when you come home?" Jeremy asks. Ross chuckles, "No, I wasn't it was worse, you see I thought she was my love, the special love you have for the whole of your life..."

"So what did you do Papa?" Jeremy asked. "I drank too much and was really miserable," Ross replied honestly. Jeremy looked at him. "But I had to focus on our house, and our farm and trying to set up the mine, so I did, slowly..." Jeremy looked at him. "Get to the bet where you met mama!" Jeremy said excitedly. Ross looked at him and laughed. 

"I met mama at a fair," Ross said slowly, "she was with Garrick..." Jeremy looked at him. "She was in rouble," Ross continued, "some boys were hurting Garrick and hurting her..." Jeremy gasped. "Did you save her!" Jeremy exclaimed, "is my Papa a hero..." Ross looked at him and smiled. "I suppose so," Ross said shrugging, "some people didn't see it that... Your Mama was hungry and dirty... and I took her to get some food..." Jeremy thought for a moment. "Why didn't her mama and papa wash her like you do me?" Ross thought for a moment. 

"Mama's mama is with Julia and my papa," Ross said gently. "When she a babe?" Jeremy asked looking at him. "Sadly so," Ross said honestly, "and her papa wasn't a kind papa... he hurt your mama..." Jeremy looked at him. "Are mama's marks on her back, like you on face..." Jeremy asked. Ross looked at him and choked back a sob. "Yes," he said. Jeremy looked at Demelza and sighed. 

"He is not kind," Jeremy said, "he with Julia?" Ross shook his head. "No he is alive," Ross whispered. "I don't wish to see anyone who hurt Mama," Jeremy said seriously. "Nor I," Ross whispered, thinking if only Jeremy knew.

"So I took your mama home with me," Ross continued, "and she would only let me be her hero if I let her take Garrick." Jeremy looked at him and smiled. "And Papa you agreed," Jeremy said happily. "Oh yes," Ross said smiling, "she sang the whole way as she sat with me on Darkie..." Jeremy looked at him. "Mama has a lovely voice," Jeremy said. "Oh she does," Ross said remembering all the times she sung. "Did you sing with her?" Jeremy asked him. "No," Ross said smiling, "I should have done, but no I didn't..."

"Then what happened papa?" Jeremy asked. "She helped around the house," Ross said, "she made me tea, and bought me my ale, she made curtains and bought beautiful flowers into the house..." Jeremy looked around the room and saw the dead bunch of flowers. "We need new ones in here papa," Jeremy said gently. "We do, we will ask Morwenna or Caroline to take you and Clowance to pick some flowers for her..." Ross whispered.

"One night I came home very sad and angry..." Ross said continuing, "and your mama was wearing the most beautiful dress in the world..." Ross stopped as he looked down at Demelza. Jeremy looked up at him. "And I kissed her," Ross said smiling at him, "and we cuddled... our loving special cuddles..."

"And then we got married," Ross whispered, "with just me, your mama, Jud and Prudie..." Jeremy looked at him. "Why not many, Uncle Dwight and Auntie Caroline had loads of people there..." Ross looked at him and thought of a way to explain. "Not many were happy for me and your mama..." Ross said gently. "Why?" Jeremy asked. "Because not many people understood," Ross said seriously, "You see Mama is a bit younger than me, they thought I was being silly..." Jeremy looked at him. "But you love Mama," Jeremy said. 

"I love your mama very much," Ross said honestly, "but back then I was a very silly and stupid papa and it took me a long time to see the love we had..." Ross looked at him. "How did you see the love?" Jeremy asked him. "It grew gradually," Ross said smiling, "it was probably when your mama and I helped the people bring in the pilchards, it was a lovely night and your mama looked so beautiful and so happy..." Jeremy looked at him. "But I knew it was proper love, at Christmas, we went to see Elizabeth and Francis, and" she sung, she sung to me, and she sung about how much she loved me...." Ross stopped and smiled at the memory. 

"What did she sing Papa," Jeremy asked him, "sing it too me..." Ross looked at him. "You know I can't sing boy," Ross said smiling. "Please," Jeremy said, "the story needs it, you need to sing the song for the story..." 

I'd a pluck a fair rose for my love  
I'd a pluck a red rose blowin'  
Love's in my heart, I'm tryin' so to prove  
What you heart's knowin'  
I'd a pluck a finger on a thorn  
I'd a pluck a finger bleedin'  
Red is my heart, wounded and forlorn  
And your heart needin'  
I'd a hold a finger to my tongue  
I'd a hold a finger…

Ross let a tear roll down his cheek as he sang slowly. "That's beautiful," Jeremy whispered. "It was," Ross said, "and the Christmas was made even more perfect when Mama told me she was carrying your big sister..." Jeremy looked at him. "Were you happy?" Jeremy asked him. "So very happy," Ross said, "I had your Mama, Julia, and we had just found copper in the mine..." 

"We had some sad times," Ross said seriously, "some things I won't go into, losing Julia, Francis, it hurt me..." Jeremy looked at him. "Is that why you didn't play with me and played with Geoffrey Charles..." Ross gasped and looked at him. "It's okay Papa..." Jeremy said. "No it isn't okay," Ross whispered, "you know Uncle Dwight and Auntie Caroline lost Sarah recently..." Jeremy nodded. "That was so very sad," Jeremy whispered. "It was," Ross whispered, "Auntie Caroline is scared of having another child because she's scared, she doesn't want to lose another child..." 

"Is that why you slept in your library," Jeremy said, "so you didn't have cuddles after me..." Ross stopped breathing for a moment, what on earth could he say, son I had relations with Elizabeth and your mama punched me and kicked me out. "You remember?" Ross asked sadly. Jeremy nodded. "Mama cried," Jeremy said sadly, "did you hurt her?" Ross looked at him and nodded. "I hurt her very much," Ross said truthfully, "and she didn't want me to hug or kiss her for a while..."

"What did you do?" Jeremy asked. "I cuddled someone else," Ross whispered. Jeremy was silent for a long time and Ross just looked at him. "Why? Didn't you like Mama's cuddles any more?" Jeremy asked. "I was silly and naughty," Ross said, "you see your Papa does silly and reckless things, and I don't think until afterwards..." Jeremy looked at him. "Was it Elizabeth?" Jeremy asked. Ross could only nod. "How did you say sorry?" Jeremy asked. 

"It took me a long time," Ross said, "Because I struggle with my words, but I did as she was going to leave and take you away, and I finally said the words I should have said to her from day one, what I should have known from the moment I met her, that mama was my true and abiding love and Elizabeth was always a memory..." Jeremy looked at him. 

"Then we had Clowance," Ross said smiling. "Mama let you cuddle her again, I had to go back to my room," Jeremy said smiling. "Yes," Ross said smiling, "sorry about that my boy, when your older, you will understand..." Jeremy nodded.

"Son let me tell you this," Ross said trying to end the story, he didn't want to get into Hugh and this new drama, it was bad enough he knew about Elizabeth. "Yes Papa," Jeremy said. "When you find someone to love, never let them go," Ross said, "tell them you love them from the moment you know and never not show them, and never decieve them and always be honest..." Jeremy looked at him. "I'll be just like you Papa," Jeremy said smiling. 

"No my boy," Ross said honestly, "You be like Mama, don't be like your papa, love like Papa loves Mama, but show your love like Mama shows Papa and your sister...." Jeremy looked at him and nodded. "Papa," Jeremy whispered, "can I stay with you and cuddle you..." Ross nodded and cuddled him gently both of them holding each other tightly not realising that bright green eyes with tears in them was awake and listening to their whole story.


	4. Unexpected News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demelza is awake and theirs an unexpected visitor

Ross felt someone touching his hair, he must have been dreaming, until he felt a pull on his curl. He opened his eyes and saw her eyes shining back at him. "Demelza, my love," Ross whispered as he looked at her, "oh my love..." Ross felt the tears roll down his cheeks. "I thought I had lost you with my stupidity..."

"No my lover," Demelza said gently like she would Jeremy and Clowance, "after I worked out what was happening, I could never leave you..." Ross held her carefully and looked at her. "I need to tell you what happened," Ross whispered. "Not yet my love," Demelza whispered. "You nearly left me to go to Jamaica..." 

"Shhhh," Demelza whispered as she winced in pain as she tried to move her shoulder. "Let me go and get Dwight," Ross whispered, "he should check you over now you awake, oh my love, I am so happy you awake..." 

Demelza kissed him slowly on the lips. "I am so happy too my lover, but after Dwight has come back, we will need to talk and you'll need to be honest with me." Ross nodded slowly. "I will my love," he whispered, "I promise you I will..."

___

Ross walked slowly down the stairs and as he entered the parlour he saw Caroline with Clowance asleep on her lap. Dwight turned around and held up a glass of rum. "I hope you don't mind," Dwight said to him. "Please," Ross said waving him away, "could you make me one please..." Ross looked at Clowance with such love and then said to Caroline: "Is she okay?"

"She had another bad dream," Caroline said looking at him. Ross bent down and stroked Clowances hair. "Dwight," Ross whispered, "could you go and look at Demelza, she is awake..." Dwight smiled at him. "Of course," he whispered. Dwight walked out the room and as he passed Caroline he kissed the top of her head. 

Clowance opened her eyes slowly and looked at Ross and then flung her arms around his neck, nearly toppling him over. "Oh Papa," Clowance exclaimed. Clowance was quietly sobbing on his shoulder. "Did you have a bad dream?" Ross asked her slowly as he put her on his lap. Clowance nodded her head as she silently sobbed. "What was it about?" Ross asked her slowly. 

"The fire," Clowance said to him, "I was scared, and I wanted you Papa..." Ross's heart broke into two. "You were so brave, you, Mama and Jeremy. And I am so happy that you were so brave..." Clowance looked at him. "The fire scared me," Clowance said wiping her eyes. "I am sure," Ross whispered, "but I am home now and you're going to be safe now..." Bloody Tess, he thought in his mind, scaring is daughter like this. 

"Papa," Clowance whispered, "I don't like it when you go to London..." Ross looked at her sadly. "We don't have to worry about that for a long while," Ross whispered, "I am going to be here for a long while, and I know its hard when I got to London, but Daddy has to do it for my special job don't I?" Clowance looked at him and nodded. "But you keep the nightmares away daddy," Clowance whispered. "I will always do that, you just have to think of me," Ross whispered. 

___

Dwight walked up to the master chamber and slowly opened the door. His heart was warmed by the sight of her stroking Jeremy's hair as he slept. "There's my patient," he said whispering. Demelza looked at him and smiled a radiant smile. "Dwight," Demelza whispered, "can you tell me what happened? I don't rightly remember..."

"You were shot," Dwight said gently as he took her pulse. "Judas! Are they caught? Is Ross still in danger?" Demelza asked worriedly. "They are dead Demelza," Dwight said gently, "George shot them..." Demelza did a double take. "George?" Demelza asked confused. "I know, rather surprising," Dwight said. 

"Rather," Demelza said, "why would George save us?" Dwight sighed. "Turned out they were selling his daughter to him, as a new wife..." Demelza sighed. "My God," Demelza whispered. "He really truly loved Elizabeth," Dwight said seriously, "Right Demelza, how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay a little sore, but is the child okay?" Demelza asked seriously. Dwight looked at her confused. "Demelza are you with child?" he asked gently. "I think I am," Demelza said coyly, "Yes I'd say so, I am as regular as the moon..." Dwight patted her hand gently. "Well as you have had no vaginal bleeding and you've told me of no abdominal pain, I would say you are just fine..." Demelza smiled at him. "Could you tell Ross for me?" Demelza asked him. Dwight looked at her confused. "I think it would be best from you..." Demelza said worriedly. "Of course," he whispered, "I'll just go down now, make sure you stay in bed Demelza..."

\-----

Dwight came down and looked at Clowance and Ross sitting together cuddling as Caroline held Horace by the fire. "How is she Dwight?" Ross asked worriedly as he stood up carrying Clowance in his arms. "She's being brave," Dwight said smiling, "Caroline could you take Clowance up to see her maybe..." Caroline stood up smiling and took Clowance from Ross. "Let's go and give Mama her flowers shall we?" Caroline asked. Clowance held her hand as they walked slowly up the stairs.

"How is she really?" Ross asked his face panic-stricken. "She and the child are doing just fine," Dwight said as he took a sip of his rum. "Good," Ross said, "she must take it easy... what did you just say?" Dwight smiled at him. "Demelza is with child again," Dwight said smiling at him, "congratulations my friend..."

"I could have lost them both," Ross said as he sat down on the settle in shock, "my arrogance, my stupidity could have made her leave to go to Jamaica and I would never have met my child, seen Clowance and Jeremy grow up!" Dwight looked at him. "But you will," Dwight said, "you will..." Ross sighed. "I'll never forgive myself, I put her and our unborn child at risk... what a fool I've been..." 

"You will just have to talk it out," Dwight whispered, "I'm sure she will be angry at first, we all are with you, but in time it will pass..."

A knock on the door could suddenly be heard, and they heard Prudie shuffling to answer it. They then saw George enter. "How is she?" George asked, before either of them could say anything, "is she okay? Was I too late? I know what its like to lose a wife..."


	5. Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George, Ross and Demelza talk

Ross walked up the stairs slowly and knocked on the door. "Come in," Demelza said weakly. Ross smiled at her. "My love," he whispered as he went over to the bed and held her hand, "Dwight told me our news..." Demelza looked at him and smiled. "Are you displeased?" she asked him slowly. "No, my love," he whispered, "but what I could have lost..."  
"We will talk about that later," Demelza whispered. "George is here," Ross said as he looked at her. "George?" Demelza asked confused. 

"He wanted to see if you were okay," Ross said to her gently. "I would like to see him," Demelza said to him, "I want to say thank you to him..." Ross looked at him and nodded. "I should too I suppose, which is a weird feeling..." Ross said as he kissed her forehead. Demelza smiled at him. "He saved you," Demelza whispered. "No," Ross whispered, "he saved you, and our unborn child..."

Demelza suddenly felt tears on her arms, and she stroked his hair gently. "Oh Ross," she whispered, "I'm going to be okay, yes we need to talk about how you didn't talk to me again, but we're going to be okay..." Ross looked at her and nodded and wiped his eyes. "Let me go and get George," Ross whispered. "Not before you give your fair maiden a kiss," Demelza whispered to him. Ross kissed her lips slowly. "My love," he whispered as he stood up and walked towards the door.

____

After a while Demelza heard the door reopen, and she saw George standing there with Ross. "Thank you," Demelza whispered, "thank you, George..." George looked at her and stiffened his back up. "Your welcome," George said as he looked at her, "I am just glad I wasn't too late..." Demelza looked at him. "Why did you save Ross?" Demelza asked him looking at him. 

George was silent for a moment. "It wasn't for Ross," George said honestly, "it was for myself..." Demelza looked at him as Ross sat on the chair beside the bed. "My uncle made a deal with him," George said slowly, "he wanted me to marry his daughter... Some people may marry those younger than them..." Ross sighed at the insult, but he let it be, he was in no mood for a fight with George, not after he saved his wife and himself.

"I could never betray Elizabeth like that," George said seriously, "to marry someone that could be my daughter, utter betrayal, I don't know what my uncle was thinking..." Demelza was silent for a while and then looked at him. "You loved her so very much didn't you?" Demelza asked him after a while. "So very much," George whispered, "I loved her from the moment I met her, and I was truly heartbroken when she married Francis..." 

"I can imagine," Demelza whispered to him, "but I remember once someone telling me, it's the greatest gift to be loved, and to be loved in return, and she did love you..." George looked at her and nodded. "I think she did," George whispered, "but she also loved someone else..." George looked over to Ross. Ross looked away, and he was bought back to the time when he hurt his wife and his son, and Elizabeth herself. "I think it was the notion," Demelza whispered to him, "don't ever think she didn't love you George, because of some puppy love..." 

"She married you and birthed you two children, and I can't imagine how painful it was for you to lose her in such a way, and I am so sorry George," Demelza said honestly to him. "I didn't want Ross to go through that," George said, "as much as I dislike the man..." Demelza looked at him and smiled. "And me..." Demelza whispered to him. "I suppose I don't understand how he could marry below his class..." George said honestly. "Love," Demelza said honestly, "love makes you do things..." George nodded at her. "You deserve better at times," George says honestly. 

Demelza laughed and then stopped as pain hit her from her shoulder. "Oh George," Demelza said, "I know that..." Ross looked at her and smirked, but she wasn't looking at him, she was looking at George. "But love is a strange thing," Demelza said honestly. George looked at her and nodded. "Well I am glad you are well, I just want to ask one thing, before Elizabeth died, Geoffrey Charles said something, and it's been on my mind for ages..." Demelza looked at him in the eye and nodded. "Continue," Demelza said strongly. 

"Is Valentine mine or Ross's?" George whispered, Demelza could almost hear his heartbreaking at the thought, she couldn't look at Ross right now or her own heart would break. "Valentine is yours," Demelza said strongly, "Elizabeth has dark hair, and your hair is curly isn't it, its just small curls... Believe me I would know if my husband had relations with someone else, do you think a common miners' daughter like me, would stay with him, I am strong and steadfast and true, and I would have left..." George looked at her nodded.

"I'll be off now," George said slowly, "I am glad you are well..." Ross stood up and offered him his hand. George looked at it and shook it. "We're not friends," George said honestly. "Heaven forbid it," Ross whispered, "but you will get no more hostility from me any more..." George nodded. "And you will get none from me," George said as he walked out the room. 

___

Ross looked at Demelza. "Why did you lie to him?" Ross asked after a while. "What good would it do?" Demelza asked honestly, "and I was thinking of Valentine, George wouldn't give him the time of day, and we now know why he has been ignoring him, he deserves his papa, and we don't know for sure, whose papa he is..." Ross took her hand and kissed it. "I don't deserve you, George is right..." Ross whispered. Demelza looked at him tiredly. "Get some sleep," Ross whispered, "let me get Clowance and I will come straight up to bed as well..." 

"How is Clowance?" Demelza asked worriedly, "she's not been sleeping well..." Ross stroked her cheek gently. "She's okay," Ross whispered, "She had a tiny bad dream earlier, but she's okay, tonight she will have both of us tonight...." Demelza smiled at him. "Go and get her," Demelza whispered as she stroked Jeremy's hair and looked at Ross.

Ross walked out the room and down the stairs ready to put his family back together.


	6. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross has his family back.

Ross came back into the room carrying a sleeping Clowance, and he laid her down next to Jeremy and slid into the bed. "Are you awake my love?" Ross asked Demelza. "Yes Ross," Demelza whispered. "I can't go to sleep without talking to you," Ross whispered, "please?" 

Demelza nodded. "Not in front of the kids though," Demelza whispered. Ross got out of bed and went to her side and gently picked her up. "Ross," Demelza whispered. "Are you in pain?" Ross whispered to her. "No Ross," Demelza said sighing, "I just thought you would never do this again..." Ross looked at her slowly. "I will carry you for the rest of my life..." Ross whispered.

___

Ross put Demelza on her lap and looked at her. "Nothing happened with Tess," Ross said getting straight to the point. "Are you sure?" Demelza whispered, "I heard you in the mine..." Demelza whispered, "talking to her, telling her when I'm out the way..." Ross sighed. "Oh my love," Ross whispered, "I had to tell her that, I had to keep up the pretence..." Demelza nodded at him. "Did you kiss her..." Demelza whispered. 

Ross nodded slowly. "I had too," he whispered, "to keep her sweet..." Demelza nodded. "I hated you," Demelza whispered, "I hated you so much when you told me you didn't love me any more..." Ross stroked her hair. "That broke me," Ross whispered, "it was the most painful thing I have ever had to say to anyone..."

"I was going to leave," Demelza whispered, "I was going to leave, because I couldn't go through what I went through with Elizabeth again, the pain of seeing you every day, wondering if we would ever get our love back..." 

"But Jamaica," Ross exclaimed, "I would never have seen Jeremy or Clowance or this little one..." Demelza looked at him. "I thought you didn't care," Demelza said painfully, "you did it again to us, Jeremy and I had already been through so much with Elizabeth, and Clowance, was scared, you know Tess started the fire..."

Ross's face contorted in anger. "She could have killed you!" Ross exclaimed, "now my baby girl is scared to sleep..." Demelza took his hand. "And I wasn't there," Ross whispered, "I as in London, imagine if I had received a note to say you and my children had perished... by note Demelza..." Demelza stroked the back of his hand. "But we didn't," Demelza whispered, "I got them out in time, I put the fire out..." Ross looked at her and nodded. 

"And then you were attacked, tied up, my God, they could have, I can't even say the word..." Ross whispered, "I had to stop them..." Demelza looked at him. "You should have talked to me Ross," Demelza whispered, "I am strong... I am fierce..." 

"I know," Ross whispered, "I am an idiot..." Demelza looked at him and smirked. "But I love you," Demelza whispered. Ross smiled at her. "Ross," Demelza said seriously, "you must promise me, this never happens again... I can't go through this again..." 

"I could just about understand Elizabeth," Demelza continued, "I always knew it would happen deep down, I always knew and you once loved her... but to think you went with Tess, someone who you never had any love for, someone who hated me, because she thought I was better than her, and thought I was some great lady..." 

"It will never happen again," Ross whispered, "I promise, my god Demelza, I thought I lost you, when I saw you, and you were saying all those things about me, how you despise me, my heart was breaking..." Demelza stroked his cheek gently. "I have never despised you, I may have sometimes disliked you, but I don't despise you!" Ross kissed her head slowly. 

"Then I saw him point the gun at you and he shot you, I couldn't get there in time," he whispered, "and then I saw you fell, Demelza he may have well shot me..." Demelza kissed his hand. "You must not say that," Demelza whispered, "you have a family, you must have carried on for them..." 

"What would I be without you?" Ross whispered to her. "A father, a wonderful one Ross," Demelza whispered to him, "and you're going to be a wonderful father again..." Ross looked at her and sighed. "I love you so much Demelza Carne," he whispered, "I am your humble servant, and I love you..."


	7. Coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Ross arrive home in time for the new arrival.

Demelza sighed as she felt her back ache from standing up making bread. Ross had been gone for seven months now, he and Dwight doing another job for King and country. But she missed him terribly, he had missed so much, so much love, so much laughter, but also anguish. When Jeremy got a fever, she was so scared, thought she would lose him like their dear Julia, but he pulled through, writing it in a letter was heartbreaking, but Ross's letter was even more heartbreaking.

"My Darling Demelza, 

I am so sorry I wasn't there, while our son was so ill, how is he lovely? I wish I was there to comfort you during this time, I would never of forgiven myself if anything had happened, give him a kiss from me, I'll be home soon, hope you and our new babe are well, I miss you my darling Demelza..."

She received that letter two weeks ago and, and she read it every night before bed. "Oh Ross," she whispered as she sat down. "Mama," Clowance said as she ran in with Jeremy following. "My Lovers," Demelza whispered as she stood up rubbing her back. "There're ships coming to the shore," Jeremy said, smiling. Demelza smiled at him. "Can we go and see?" Clowance asked, "it might have Papa and Uncle Dwight on the ship?"

"Let's go," Demelza said as she struggled to get up from the bench. Jeremy took her hand helped her walk out into the yard. Demelza smiled down at him and laughed as Clowance ran down to the beach. "Don't you want to run to the beach?" Demelza asked Jeremy. "No," Jeremy said, "I have to look after Mama and my new sibling, I'm the man of the house until Papa gets home..." Demelza looked at him and laughed. "That you are..." Demelza whispered, "you've always been there for me when Papa is not..."

___

Clowance stood at the sea, her sandals in her hands as the sea went over her toes. She giggled loudly as another wave hit her toes. "Those are ships aren't they?" Clowance asked excitedly, "I've missed Papa so much..." Demelza kissed the top of her head. "Me too," she whispered, "me too, but let's not get our hopes up..." Jeremy looked at her. "Your papa might not be on those ships, or it might not be from France..." 

___

Ross when in France thought of nothing but his family, he missed them terribly. Letters were hardly sent for safety wise, but when he did receive letters from his wife, well it was like Christmas and Harvest at the same time. But the one letter that sent chills down his spine was the one about Jeremy being ill. 

My Darling Ross, 

I hope you're well, I have to tell you, Jeremy has been very poorly, he's had a fever for the last few days, I called for Dr Choake, and he says it's not the putrid throat, I was so worried, he bled him, which caused him pain, and it pained me to see him like that... How I wish Dwight was here, so I could have called him. Jeremy is gaining strength now so try not to worry my love... I love you...

When he received that he could barely stop himself getting on a boat, out of France, Dwight was with him. "Ross," Dwight whispered, "Dr Choake..." Ross looked at him. "Is an idiot who hates my wife, he should have retired years ago, he bled Jeremy, he is only ten years old Dwight, would you have bled him?" Dwight looked at him and shook his head. "Besides Demelza is with child, she must be in stress... it won't be good for her..." 

____

The ships got nearer on the beach and Jeremy jumped up and down and waved as he saw people on the boats. "Mama, do you need to sit down?" Jeremy asked her. "I'm fine," Demelza whispered. Since the accident where she was shot, Jeremy was even more attentive to her, her shoulder still sometimes caused her pain, but she never let on to Jeremy or Ross, her two men in her life. 

___

Clowance then saw two rowing boats rowing towards the shore. "It's Papa!" Clowance shouted as she jumped up and down. "How do you know?" Jeremy asked as he moved his neck. "I saw the hat," Clowance said knowingly, Clowance moved her arms around to wave. Demelza looked at them and laughed, she was hoping Clowance was right, or she would have two disappointed children.

But as the boat got nearer, there was no mistaking Ross's hat. She waved and felt relief washing over her, he would be home for the birth of their child, she was beginning to get worried, there was only a few weeks before her confinement, she was sure of that. He had kept his promise to be home before the harvest, and he was.

___

Ross saw two children on the shore waving and his heart fluttered with joy, and he was joyous to see Jeremy up and about, all journey he was worrying about him, pacing up and down. Now seeing them wave, made him smile, but he suddenly felt a stab in the heart as he should have a twelve-year-old daughter standing there, but he had to quash that down, or he would cry. He waved back to them. 

He then saw her, her golden hair in the wind, flying hair, her unruly mane as he called it. He then noticed the swell of her stomach, where their new baby lay, he could tell her had made it just in time. "Papa!" he heard Clowance shout as she ran into the war towards the boat. Ross jumped out of the boat and took him into his arms and held her tightly. "Papa," Clowance said happily, "I knew it was you, I could see your hat..." Ross laughed heartily as he held her. "You've grown so much," Ross whispered to her. "I'm eight now papa," she whispered. "So you are," he said back.

___

Ross got to the shore and felt Jeremy's arms around him. He put Clowance down and held him tightly. "Let me look at you," Ross said to him, "you've grown too..." Jeremy looked up at him and yawned. "Are you okay?" Ross asked worriedly. "He's just come out of bed," Demelza said, the first time she had acknowledged him, "he's still weak..." Ross looked at him and picked him up. "Mama tells me you've been brave..." Ross said to him. Jeremy nodded. "He has," Demelza said, "and he has been the man of the house..." Ross looked at her his eyes sparkling. "Let's go home," Ross said, "I think this one needs his bed, and I think I need to hear all your news. 

___

He walked in and smiled as Prudie came clucking around Jeremy. "We thought he was a goner..." Prudie said to him. "Prudie!" Demelza said sternly. Ross looked down at Demelza, and wondered just how ill Jeremy was. "He's asleep Master Jeremy," Prudie said. "I'll take him upstairs," Ross said to her. "Put him in our bed," Demelza said, "he's been sleeping there..." Ross nodded and walked up the stairs slowly with him. He laid him on the bed and took his boots off and gave him a kiss. "Papa," Jeremy whispered. "Shhhh go to sleep," Ross whispered. "Stay with me," Jeremy whispered. Ross sat on the bed and stroked his hair until he saw that he was asleep. He touched his head for any sign of fever, after Prudie's comment, he was concerned. 

___

He went into the parlour to find his wife and daughter sitting on the settle waiting for him. "Papa," Clowance said as she again ran to him and hugged him again. "I think you've missed me," Ross whispered to her, "now can I go and kiss Mama?" Clowance nodded as she sat down with Clowance. Ross kissed Demelza gently. "My love," he whispered, "how are you?" He put his hand on the swell where their new babe was safe. "I'm well," she whispered. "And how is our new friend?" he asked her. "She's safe," Demelza said smiling at her. "She?" Ross whispered. "Just a feeling," she whispered. 

"Clowance," Prudie said as she came in, "come and have your tea, let mama and papa talk..." Clowance got up and followed her. "I'll be in there in a minute," Ross whispered to her, As he kissed Clowance. Clowance nodded and walked out and Garrick followed her into the kitchen hoping for some scraps. 

___

Ross put his arm around Demelza and kissed the top of her head. "Your letter," Ross whispered, "I had to come home, we had finished the mission pretty much, but that letter, I couldn't sleep, what happened Demelza?" Demelza looked at him and took his hand. "I didn't tell you to scare you," Demelza whispered, "I was in two minds if I was going to tell you, but I thought you'd of been angry if you found out when you came home..." Ross looked at her. "I would have been..." Ross whispered, "What happened?" 

"He picked up a cold," Demelza whispered, "and it just got worse, he was tired, he was coughing, and his fever... I was so scared Ross, if it wasn't for Prudie and Morwenna helping with Clowance, I don't know what I would have done..." Ross looked at her. "I should have been here," Ross said bitterly, "if anything had happened, I would never have forgiven myself, I'll send for Dwight in the morning..."

"Ross," Demelza whispered, "let him enjoy his homecoming with Caroline..." Ross looked at him. "I am," Ross said, "by not calling him in now..." Demelza looked at him. "Tell me what Choake did?" Ross asked, "he better have treated you like the mistress of this house..." Demelza nodded his head. "He was okay," Demelza whispered, "of course he is no Dwight, but he was okay, Jeremy is improving..." Ross nodded his head. 

___

"You kept your promise," Demelza whispered to him. "I did," Ross said slowly, "I said I'd be home before the harvest and here I am..." Demelza sighed. "I think it will be any day now," Demelza whispered. "Are you having pains?" Ross asked seriously. "No," Demelza said seriously, "just a feeling..." Ross looked at her and nodded. Ross kissed the top of her head. "I better go and eat with Clowance..." Ross whispered, "you sit here and rest..." Demelza took his hand and kissed it. "How long are you back for?" she whispered. "Until London me," he said, "no more France my love..."


	8. Dwight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new babe is ready for its arrival. I always wanted them to do Julia's birth like the book did it, so here is my take on the book version of Julia but with their new arrival

Ross met Dwight outside Nampara. "I was going to call for you," Ross said smiling up at him, "but Demelza told me to wait until the morning... and here you are." Dwight looked at him as he jumped from his horse. "I had a feeling you would call for me," Dwight said smiling, "I could see how worried you were on the ship..." Ross looked at him. "I just worry," Ross whispered. "I understand," Dwight said, "when Caroline and I have another one, I will be the same..." 

Ross opened the door and saw Demelza and Clowance in the kitchen with Prudie. "Where's Jeremy?" Ross asked worriedly. "He's in bed," Demelza said, "Ross he is getting better, I promise you..." Demelza then saw Dwight and she smiled. "I am sorry," Demelza said smiling, "You didn't have to come... Dr Choake said the other day he was improving..." 

"I would just like Dwight to check on him," Ross said seriously, "honestly Demelza you had no idea what it was like in France receiving that note, I couldn't get on Darkie and see for myself could I... now just please let me do this..." Demelza looked at him and could see the worry. "Of course," she whispered, "Dwight he is upstairs in the master chamber..."

"Ross you go upstairs, see Jeremy upstairs, I'll be upstairs in a moment..." Ross nodded as he walked upstairs. Demelza looked at him. "Give him a break," Dwight said to her gently, "you weren't with him when he got the letter, if he could have swum the channel he would have... He wasn't here when Dr Choake was here, personally I would never have bled him..." 

Demelza looked at him guiltily. "Your right," Demelza whispered, "I'll apologize later..." Dwight looked at her and nodded. "He couldn't bear it to happen again," Dwight whispered as he walked out the room towards the master chamber. 

___

Ross sat on the bed with Jeremy and stroked his hair. "Papa," Jeremy said smiling, "are you home?" Ross kissed him and nodded. "I am home," Ross whispered, "I was so worried when Mama wrote to me, are you okay?" Jeremy nodded. "I am feeling much better Papa," Jeremy said, "Now you are here..." Ross smiled at him and then smiled as Dwight entered. "How is my patient?" Dwight asked as he looked at Jeremy, "your mama has told me you've been quite poorly..."

Jeremy nodded. "He had a fever," Demelza said as she walked over and held Ross's hand. Dwight nodded as he touched Jeremy's head with the back of his hand. "Warm but nothing to worry about it, did Dr Choake say what it was?" Demelza looked at him and sighed. "Scarlet Fever," Demelza whispered. Ross paled at that. "And I wasn't here..." Ross whispered. "How serious was it Demelza?" Dwight asked her. "I was worried one night," Demelza said, "the night Dr Choake bled him..." Ross held her tightly holding her bump. "He shouldn't have bled him," Dwight said seriously, "that has made him weaker, he is over the worst of it, but I would say he needs a couple of weeks in bed... The bleeding has made his body weak." Demelza looked at Dwight. "I shouldn't of called for Choake..." Demelza said sighing, "but I didn't know who else to call..."

"No you should have called him," Dwight said, "you did the right thing, our methods are just different, Jeremy will be fine, he is over the worst of it, he just needs bed rest now, to get his energy back." Demelza nodded her head and sighed wearily. "Do I have to stay in bed? It's so boring," Jeremy said sadly. "You will be better soon," Ross said seriously, "I know its tiresome, but I tell you what, you can sleep with Mama and Papa tonight..." Jeremy smiled. 

___

Demelza sat with Ross on the settle as Clowance played with Garrick outside. "I'm sorry Ross," Demelza whispered to him. "What on earth for?" Ross asked her. "I didn't take your feelings into account," Demelza whispered. "I'm sorry too my love," Ross whispered, "for not being here..." Demelza looked at him and smiled. "You are back," Demelza whispered, "that's all that matters... you are here now... in time for the harvest, and for this little one..."

"I promised you that didn't I," Ross whispered. Demelza rested her head on his shoulder and yawned. "Let's go up to bed," Ross whispered, "with our son, I'm going to fall off the bed aren't I?" Demelza looked at him and laughed. "It won't be as cramped as we were in London, unless you want Clowance to share our bed too!" Ross looked at her and laughed. "She can sleep in her bed," Ross whispered. 

___

Demelza woke up in the night with a pain in her back and laid there, she didn't want to wake up Ross yet, not if it was a false pain, and Jeremy was in bed, cuddled right next to Ross, and she smiled as she saw Ross was holding him extra tightly, if they had lost Jeremy, words wouldn't come to her if that happened. Demelza grimaced again as it felt like someone was stamping on her back. Demelza put her arm across and touched Ross gently being careful not to wake Jeremy. "Ross," Demelza whispered, "Ross..."

Ross woke up with a start and looked at her. "Is it Jeremy? Has he a fever?" Ross asked worriedly. Demelza looked at him and shook her head. "No," Demelza whispered, "I think our babe wants to join its brother and sister..." Ross sat up in a panic. "Are you sure?" Ross asked her. Demelza nodded, "it's my fourth time Ross, I'm sure..." Ross nodded as he got up carefully and went to light a candle.

He saw her sweaty face and he kissed her. "I'll go and wake Prudie and then I will go and get Dwight..." Ross whispered. "I can do it with Prudie Ross, don't wake him," Demelza whispered, "I did it with Clowance..." Ross looked at her seriously. "Dwight will be called," Ross said seriously. "He is sleeping," Demelza tried again. "Then he will be woken," Ross said seriously, "let me get Prudie..."

Demelza nodded. "Take Jeremy to his room, I don't want him to see me like this," Demelza whispered, "please..." Ross picked him up and carried him out the room and placed him on his bed. 

He then ran down the hall to Prudie's room, and he opened the door. "Prudie," he called out, "Prudie your mistress needs you, it's her time..." Prudie woke up slowly and nodded. "Get the sheets ready," Ross said to her, "And stay with her, keep an eye on the children, I need to get Dwight...." 

"ARGHHHH!" Demelza exclaimed, "Judas!" Ross looked at Prudie and nodded as Prudie ran to get the sheets. Ross walked back into his room with Demelza and saw her on the bed clutching the sheets. "My love," Ross whispered, "what can I do?" Demelza looked at him. "I don't want you to see me like this," Demelza whispers. "At least you are not on a boat," Ross whispered as he kissed her head, "That will forever haunt me..." Demelza looked at him and smiled. 

As another pain hit her she gritted her teeth and looked at him with such pain he got on the bed next to her. "I can't leave you like this," Ross whispered, "me and you, we can do this..." Demelza looked at him. "It's not lady lake," Demelza said as she looked at him, "it's not proper..." 

"When have we ever done anything proper," Ross whispered to her, "I rescued you from a dog fight, I made you my kitchen maid, I bedded you, married you and fell hopelessly in love with you... besides you know I'm a rebel... It would be the greatest treasure to be here when my son and daughter is born..." Demelza looked at him and her resolve broke as she nodded and held onto him as the pain came again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading


	9. Labour of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ross and Demelza share a precious moment

Demelza turned and looked at Ross. "You shouldn't be here," Demelza whispered, "it's not proper..." Ross rubbed her back and looked at her. "I want to be here, watching my wife, my love, give life to our baby, it will be the biggest moment of my life..." Demelza moaned as she looked at him. 

Ross helped Demelza up as Prudie came in with the sheets, Ross held her tightly as Prudie worked quickly. "Judas," Demelza moaned, "Ross..." Ross kissed her head. "Captain, you go and get Dr Enys," Prudie said, "I can manage the maid..." Ross looked at her. "I'm staying," Ross whispered, "put the water on please..." Prudie looked at him shocked. 

Demelza laid on the bed and looked at Ross. Prudie came up with water and looked at them. "That will be all Prudie," Ross said to her, "we will call you if we need anything..." 

___

Demelza panted as another contraction hit her and Ross put the rag on her forehead. "Ross," Demelza panted. "I'm here, my love," Ross whispered. Demelza looked at him and smiled, "what are you thinking of?" Ross asked her. "How lucky I am," Demelza panted, "that you rescued me all those years ago, who knows where I would be now probably dead after marrying a miner..." Ross shuddered at the thought. 

"I am the lucky one," Ross whispered, "saving you, was the best moment of my life, without you my life is meaningless, and I know I haven't always shown you how much you mean to me, how I have treated you, my God if you had left me for Captain McNeil or for Hugh then I would only have had myself to blame..." Demelza stroked his cheek. "Let's not talk about it, I've always only ever been yours..." Demelza panted as another contraction hit her. 

"Judas Ross," Demelza exclaimed, "I think I need to push..." Ross looked at her and nodded. Demelza went on all fours and then felt Ross's hand stroke her legs. "Oh Demelza," Ross whispered, full of emotion, "I see a head..." Demelza panted and then pushed and screamed.

Ross stopped breathing as he saw his child's head come out. "Oh Demelza," Ross whispered, "I love you so much..." Demelza screamed. "Judas Christ!" Ross put his hands on her intimate parts and his daughter came out, and she looked down at her and the tears flowed. 

Finding copper, reopening his mine, beating George in a fight, being an MP, nothing topped this moment, delivering his daughter, he didn't care it wasn't proper for him to be there, he had seen his daughter be born. She cried loudly and throatily. "My lover," Ross whispered, "Papa has you, shhhh I'll hand you to mama..." 

Ross put their daughter on Demelza's chest and Demelza sobbed loudly as she held her. "She's beautiful," Demelza whispered, "I need to deliver the afterbirth..." Ross nodded as Demelza quietly delivered the afterbirth and Demelza held their daughter. "Oh Demelza," Ross whispered his full cracking up with emotion. "Ross, you have to bathe her..." Ross nodded his eyes clouding over and was thankful for Prudie coming in. 

Ross looked into his daughters eyes as she opened the up for the first time, her hazel eyes staring at him. "Hello Isabella," Ross whispered, as he gently lowered her into warm water and cleaned her, he wished her had done this with Julia, Jeremy and Clowance. "Congratulations captain," Prudie said as she helped Demelza up and started to clean her up. "Thank you," Ross whispered, he was besotted with his daughter, he couldn't take his eyes off her. 

___

Ross sat on the bed and smiled as he saw Demelza feeding their daughter. "That was beautiful Demelza," Ross whispered, "so beautiful..." Demelza looked down at her daughter and then looked up at Ross and smiled. "She's so perfect," Demelza whispered. "Sharing that moment," Ross whispered, "watching your body, bring into the world a product of our love..." Demelza smiled at him. 

There was a knock at the door and Prudie stood there holding Jeremy who was crying and Clowance's hand. "Someone was worried about his mama," Prudie said looking at Ross and then at Jeremy, who still looked poorly and his heart constricted, with love for all three of his children. Ross walked over to the door as Demelza looked at the scene, happiness filling her heart, she had her family back. 

___

"I heard mama scream," Jeremy said sleepily as he took him from Prudie, "and I wasn't in bed with you Papa..." Ross looked at him and kissed his head. "I know I'm sorry," Ross whispered as he kissed him again, "but Mama had your baby sister..." Jeremy's eyes opened wide as he saw Demelza holding Isabella in her eyes. "Can we meet her?" Clowance asked as she put her arms up for Ross to pick up. Ross chuckled as he gracefully as always bent down and picked up Clowance too and carried them both over to the bed. 

Demelza smiled at Ross as Clowance took Isabella's small hand. "Hello Bella," Clowance whispered, "I'm your big sister, Clowance, and we can play dollies together, and chase Horace and Garrick, Garrick is our dog and Horace is Auntie Caroline's dog..." Demelza smiled up at Ross as he chuckled. "I'll have to warn Horace," Ross said jokingly.

"Jeremy," Demelza said looking at him, "are you okay my lover?" Jeremy nodded tiredly. He bent down and kissed Isabella. "I'm Jeremy your big brother, and I will look after you," Jeremy whispered and then exhaustedly put his head down on Ross's shoulder. Ross looked down lovingly at Jeremy and stroked his hair. "Mama," Jeremy whispered. "Go to sleep my lover," Demelza whispered, "you are recovering, your sister will be here for a long time..." 

"I'm going to be a soldier like my papa," Jeremy said sleepily. Ross looked at Demelza and then at Jeremy and smiled. He had his family, after everything that happened, coming home from war to find Elizabeth engaged to his cousin, to find Demelza in a dog fight, to marry below his class, having and losing Julia, his relations with Elizabeth, Demelza's with Hugh, him killing a man, Tess, the missions, trips to London, Demelza being shot, was all worth it for this moment now, except losing Julia he would not have changed it for the world. 

He had his son in his arms, fighting sleep, his elder daughter asleep in the middle, his youngest having a feed with the mother of his children, his love of his life, who had given him so much, so much love, so much forgiveness, he wouldn't change it all. "Goodnight my loves," he whispered as looked at them and then kissed Demelza. "Goodnight my lover," she whispered to him. Ross smiled at her, she hardly called him that, it was a special name she had for Jeremy, and it warmed him when she called him that.


End file.
